I haven't written for a while because anxiety about going to Emory has weakened my resolve in doing daily routines I set up for the day, such as writing on my blog or working on the ALEKS chemistry module. The procrastinator in me, long dormant this summer, has reawakened. Realizing I have about only 16 days until I arrive to Emory University in Atlanta, I have been more restless. Today, I went to my Facebook page, replying to one of my friend's inquiry of how my summers been. I told him, besides the brutal heat, I've been doing well. The Food Bank, though not fun, has helped me be in shape and allowed me to meet interesting people. He, like I, is going to college this summer. After replying to my friend's question, I checked the Emory Students Group page I joined a few months ago. I observed that other Emory soon to be students have written on the wall. Some people even asked others for friend requests.
Looking at the wall posts, various types of questions abounded. One girl asked if anyone was attending the Train, Matt Nathanson, and Maroon 5 concert on September 1. Though probably an awesome concert, I replied that I didn't know my schedule. Another student kept soliciting requests for others to use a different social media website other than Facebook, specifically for college students. Someone asked who was doing premed. Another was asking about the shopping cart feature in blackboard. A post discussing who would be in Few Hall got me interested. Several people wrote down their room number. I wrote "my room is going to be 328". I asked permission to join the Fevans '11-12 group page, interested in not wanting to be isolated in my soon to be- whether I like it or not -community and support system.
I concede that I'm insecure about myself and who I am, and I'm pretty sure, tons of other colleagues, especially incoming freshman, are too. I hope that I befriend positive, secure, and hopefully confident friends and mentors throughout my years here, allowing me to mature and grow, and try to avoid the negative energy and vibes from others who could be bad influences for me.
My dad gave me good advice towards the car ride back from B&N tonight. He told me feeling anxious is normal for freshman like me who are heading towards college. I told him, I just wanted to get the orientation process over with and just feel settled in, but my dad, I believe rightly, corrected me, articulating my true feelings that belied the words I spoke: that I was afraid to confront Orientation and start moving in. He said I shouldn't try to procrastinate and loiter around as a way to avoid inevitable Orientation day because not going to Orientation was not going to happen anyway, whether I like it or not, whether I try to act like I care or not, it just ain't happening. That helped me calm down and accept my anxiety as normal.
At B&N, I read. A lot. Well, to the reader, my "reading a lot" may pale to your average reading quantity, but my current pace compared to my reading rate a couple of years prior is analogous to the height difference between a prepubescent 10 year old boy and that same boy who, four years later, has a growth spurt. I have been savoring reading now. I like reading the NY Times articles, especially those subjects that interest me. I can enjoy reading novels because a more concrete visualization forms in my mind as I read, making such an experience akin to watching a movie (and who doesn't like a good movie? :) ). I was reading a book on how to write a screenplay because I wanted to make a short movie before I go to Emory. But that doesn't seem likely because it has been hard for me to make a story requiring minimal props, actors, and time. Hopefully, my passion in filmmaking can overcome my practical worries and allow me to find an innovative solution in fixing this problem.
My color scheme for my room is green, but worry crept up into my brow yesterday as I wondered whether I bought too much green stuff: I bought an olive green shower caddy, a small olive green mural,a 4 x 5'11" kiwi green rug, an avocado green trashcan, a lime green lamp, and two kiwi green chairs. Why doesn't someone hand me a ring so people can conveniently call me "Green Lantern" instead of "Jason who ever so much likes green". I do enjoy looking at green than other colors because it stirs a calm feeling within me, a feature needed for me as I venture into a new environment.
I should sleep earlier today than usual because tomorrow I head to the food bank at 7:30 AM.
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